Yael Nehama: Village Wisewoman
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You Need a Village

9/27/2015

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I grew up thinking I had to do it all. Not only did I have to do it all, I had to do it all by myself. I remember when I wanted to go to college, my mother told me, "You're on your own kid. I don't know anything about that." She meant it too. She didn't know how you enrolled in college let alone how to pay for it and that topic was not even up for discussion as she was a single mom of four. Unfortunately, neither did I. Sure I had Guidance Counselors, but they always sounded like they were speaking a foreign language to me when they tried to explain things. Furthermore, I simply didn't know what I was even looking for or even how to ask the questions. I was alone and I had no one to really guide me. I needed a village to help me get to where I wanted to go, to fill in the blanks my mother left, but there was none. 
 
Fast forward to motherhood. Again I was clueless. I did have my early childhood memories to lean upon as my mother was an angel of a mom when I was very young. I had lots of books (which my mother did not approve of as the babies never read the books) and a couple of friends, but they were as clueless as I was regarding the subject. Fortunately, I have a pretty good maternal instinct and I had the north star of "I will not raise my child the way I was raised." (ie. my father's authoritative abuse) but I didn't have a picture of what that even looked like or how to live it day to day. I began a search to find families and in particular mother's who raised their children well. I found several along the way and forged friendships with them. In each one a learned something valuable, but I made a very critical mistake. I thought they had THE answers. All of them. To every question. Foolish, I know now, but as a young mother I thought that was the way it was. As I slowly realized they were trying to figure it out just like I was, I adopted the old adage, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water" as my motto. In other words, take what you learned and what serves your family and move on.

I began to be a collector of wonderful mothers. With most they were part of my life for a season, but never to be forgotten because of the gems they shared or modeled for me. Others became precious friends I could walk the journey with. This was when I realized that I was building my village. Enter the next mistake. Thinking they all had to live right next door to me. I cannot tell you how many countless hours I spent fantasizing about finding THE community of like minded thinkers who were gonna start the homestead with me and raise our families together. There were a couple times I really thought I had come close, only to be fiercely disappointed in the fact that they were just as human as I was and possibly a bit more judgmental. Regardless, it just never happened.
 
After a time of mourning my dream community, I finally realized that I had actually been creating it all along. I had created a strong support net of mothers, lovers, poets, artists, and mentors already. They were all right there in front of me. Except they weren't. They were at my bellydance class, the weekend retreat I went on, a homeschool blog site I used to write on, etc. Some lived near by, others far away and one dear sister I have never had the pleasure of meeting face to face yet. Nonetheless, they are my village. 

You need a village. You really do. You can't live this life on your own. I mean you could, but it is so much harder and painful that way.  You need support and more than likely it is not coming from your blood family. If you do happen to be one of the lucky ones, please take a moment to breathe gratitude into the world and then tell them how awesome they are.  

You need a village.  Not just your partner, not just your parents or your family, not just your best friend. Think about it, you are TOO big a soul to lay down on one human being. And is it really fair to expect only ONE human being to contain all you are, to support all you need, to give you all the wisdom you seek. We are meant to live together and support each other. Create that community through any and all means possible. You need the support and wisdom of others. Let them do it! Seek them out! You will probably find that they have been looking for you too all along. 

By the way, in case you are wondering. I am part of your village and you are part of mine. 

Thank you internet. 

Much love, 
Yael (Your local Village Wise Woman) 

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Integrations and Autumnal Musings

9/25/2015

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I don't know what it is  exactly about autumn that thrills me to my very core.
Maybe it's the leaves transforming into flames on the branches, burning out and then falling to the ground spreading riotous piles of color everywhere.

Maybe it's the cool air and the freedom to throw open my windows and feel the breeze cleanse my home of summer's stifling heat.
Maybe it's the comfort of sweaters and scarfs and the yummy feeling of layering my clothes even more than I already do.

Perhaps it is the holidays, all the introspection that I happily indulge in during Rosh HaShana and Yom Kippur. I fall so easily into rediscovering my soul and that which I love during those days. I am comforted by the ritual and shofar blasts and I eagerly look forward to sukkot and the meals I will share with friends.


More that likely it is all that and more, because you see, it is hardly ever one thing with me. Many things will lead me this way and inspire me. Many things will add to my daily revelry and thoughts thrilling my soul along the way. And why shouldn't they? I am not one being. I am not the product of any one thing, or any one moment, or any one experience.


I was always envious of those people who have had that "ONE defining moment" that changed their lives forever. That one experience that made them lose weight, find G-d, move to the homestead, start the business, etc. I have never had that moment and I am now quite confident that I never will.


I am not one. I am, ONE.


I am a sum of my parts. A whole being filled with all the experiences of my life. Light and dark, positive and negative.
I am a myriad of thoughts and opinions. I am complex and sometimes even a bit confusing, but that is only if you try to figure me out.


Do us both a favor, stop doing that. That is about as useful as fixing a hole in the ocean.


I mean, I haven't figured me out and at times I even confuse myself!


Why? Well, because sometimes even I want me to fit into a cute little box tied up in a bow that I can just hand you and say, "Here I am!" But I can't. My soul is too big, much too big to fit in that box, no matter how cute it is.


Integrations. I am ONE. A whole being. Multi faceted and beautiful.


I think that is what it is about autumn. It is a season filled with similar integrations. Things are dying yet they are so filled with color and alive creating a breathtaking picture of life and death! The fields and trees are filled with harvest, yet the squirrels busily gather acorns feverishly hiding them for a time of seasonal famine. It is the whole picture of Life! It is so unlike the other seasons to me.

Not spring with its promise of new.
Not summer with its promise of frivolity and fun.
Not winter with its promise of rest.
No, autumn offers no real promise. 

In this I find that Nature teaches us to simply accept what is. There is no promise really. It simply is. Just fiery shades of light and dark, dappled colors shiny brightly in the sun, calling us inward to simply be. It is quiet. It is burning. It is resting. It is pulling oneself back to the Source and resting in the beauty of what is.

I am ONE. No promise except to be.
I am fiery passion and watery emotion.
I am sage wisdom and childlike innocence.
I am Victorian lace and Harley Davidson Leather.
I am an edgy Urban Shaman and a cottage dwelling wisewoman.
I am a Spiritual Guide and an occasional atheist.


All of this is me. The Whole. The Integration of all I am and all my experiences.
My Journey and my Story.

Does this resonate with you dear reader?
I thought it might because I know I am not unique in this. Many, many of us are this way.
We are autumn. We are integrations.


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